Thursday, December 29, 2005
Why I crack myself up sometimes...
Remember back when I said I crack myself up when I'm evil? Well, the reason for that was one particular Xmas present. Our niece, Marina, is 12 - and just starting to want gift cards to clothing stores for her presents. We got her one to American Eagle, but instead of just giving it to her in an envelope, I wrapped it in a box that our baby-bath was shipped in! This box was about 3 foot long, 2 foot high and a foot wide. I put three house bricks in there taped to the bottom for weight, and then I stuffed it full of all the extra packing material (bubble wrap, air packs, etc) that I had around the house. Then, I sealed the whole thing with packing tape and wrapped it like a regular gift. It took almost a whole roll of paper to do it, and I was giggling to myself the whole time. When we took it over to their house, everyone was asking who'se present it was. Marina was stunned that it was for her, and spent a good deal of time shaking it, weighing it and trying to guess what was in there. Needless to say, there was great anticipation when it came to opening - and everyone (including Marina) got a good laugh out of it. She later accused us of making her THINK while she was on vacation! HEHEHEHEHE!
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Lessons from a dreary Wednesday morning.
1. Ninjas, leopards and chameleons can take hiding lessons from baby socks in a washing machine.
2. Whoever said "Sleep when the baby sleeps" is a wise, wise person. It's freaking necessary.
3. My "tidy" gene must be defective. My desk is so messy that the bottom layer is starting to meld into the wood itself.
4. It is possible to sleep through baby screams, but not possible to sleep through the kick in the shins from your spouse that follows some of those screams.
5. I have a tough time going back to sleep at 3am. I should stop watching TiVo when I'm doing that feeding. Laughing at the Simpsons or The Drew Carey Show is not conducive to going back to bed.
6. The week between Xmas and New Years is a great time to work. You get SO much done! Almost none of it is useful, productive work, but you get a lot of it done!
7. The "new baby" smell is a combination of baby-wipe vapors, the diaper genie overflow miasma and unshowered-parent sweat.
8. They should include new parents into the sleep-deprivation studies that they pay college students for. I know I'm much more of a zombie now than I was 4 weeks ago.
9. It's official - Owen now has more clothes than I do. This kid will not re-wear an outfit between now and June (well, he will, but only because some of them are SOOOOOO cute!)
10. There should be a study on the effects on parenthood on IQ and attention span. I'll bet there's a corresponding.... oooh, something shiny....
2. Whoever said "Sleep when the baby sleeps" is a wise, wise person. It's freaking necessary.
3. My "tidy" gene must be defective. My desk is so messy that the bottom layer is starting to meld into the wood itself.
4. It is possible to sleep through baby screams, but not possible to sleep through the kick in the shins from your spouse that follows some of those screams.
5. I have a tough time going back to sleep at 3am. I should stop watching TiVo when I'm doing that feeding. Laughing at the Simpsons or The Drew Carey Show is not conducive to going back to bed.
6. The week between Xmas and New Years is a great time to work. You get SO much done! Almost none of it is useful, productive work, but you get a lot of it done!
7. The "new baby" smell is a combination of baby-wipe vapors, the diaper genie overflow miasma and unshowered-parent sweat.
8. They should include new parents into the sleep-deprivation studies that they pay college students for. I know I'm much more of a zombie now than I was 4 weeks ago.
9. It's official - Owen now has more clothes than I do. This kid will not re-wear an outfit between now and June (well, he will, but only because some of them are SOOOOOO cute!)
10. There should be a study on the effects on parenthood on IQ and attention span. I'll bet there's a corresponding.... oooh, something shiny....
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Friday, December 23, 2005
Update du jour
Well, today was a big day:
1. Owen had his second doctor's appointment - he weighed in at a healthy 6lbs 15oz! He's gained 9oz over the past two weeks! The doctor is thrilled, as are we.
2. He's also decided to eat really badly during the last two nights. Been awfully frustrating for Lisa - she'll let him feed for close to an hour, and then 1/2 hour later, he's hungry again! The doctor said this could be a growth spurt, or he could just be evil. My vote (cast at 4am) is for evil.
3. Mum arrived safely, and spent yesterday gawking at the wonder of TiVo. A lot of today was spent cooking dinner for us. We now have shepherd's pie in the fridge and the freezer! Frozen meals are a lifesaver.
4. My son peed on the nurse today during his appointment. I had to laugh. About time someone else got that treatment!
5. I finished the last 5% of my Xmas shopping today. Why is it the last little bits take so freaking long?
6. We get a free lactation consultant through work. We're going to get our money's worth out of that! She's already had an earful from us, but she's helping.
7. If it wasn't for gift cards, I'd be buggered at Xmas. That's right, buggered. Look it up.
8. Xmas eve tomorrow - and we have brunch plans. After that, we're free until Xmas lunch. Woohoo - can watch football!
9. We went driving looking at house lights tonight. One house in particular stood out. I didn't get a picture, but I winced just thinking about their electric bill. Tis the season to be a Vegas-lookalike.
10. In case I don't update the blog again until afterwards - we all hope you have a very Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. Thanks for stopping by and we'll see you in 2006!
1. Owen had his second doctor's appointment - he weighed in at a healthy 6lbs 15oz! He's gained 9oz over the past two weeks! The doctor is thrilled, as are we.
2. He's also decided to eat really badly during the last two nights. Been awfully frustrating for Lisa - she'll let him feed for close to an hour, and then 1/2 hour later, he's hungry again! The doctor said this could be a growth spurt, or he could just be evil. My vote (cast at 4am) is for evil.
3. Mum arrived safely, and spent yesterday gawking at the wonder of TiVo. A lot of today was spent cooking dinner for us. We now have shepherd's pie in the fridge and the freezer! Frozen meals are a lifesaver.
4. My son peed on the nurse today during his appointment. I had to laugh. About time someone else got that treatment!
5. I finished the last 5% of my Xmas shopping today. Why is it the last little bits take so freaking long?
6. We get a free lactation consultant through work. We're going to get our money's worth out of that! She's already had an earful from us, but she's helping.
7. If it wasn't for gift cards, I'd be buggered at Xmas. That's right, buggered. Look it up.
8. Xmas eve tomorrow - and we have brunch plans. After that, we're free until Xmas lunch. Woohoo - can watch football!
9. We went driving looking at house lights tonight. One house in particular stood out. I didn't get a picture, but I winced just thinking about their electric bill. Tis the season to be a Vegas-lookalike.
10. In case I don't update the blog again until afterwards - we all hope you have a very Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. Thanks for stopping by and we'll see you in 2006!
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Lessons, day whatever...
1. If I didn't have a calendar on my PC, I'd have no idea what day it was or the date. Thank god the sun comes up so I know if it's day or night.
2. I can do 95% of my Xmas shopping in 3 hours - which includes about 30 min driving.
3. When the diaper genie (which works for my wife, but not for me - bastard!) won't go down any further, it's time to empty it.
4. Having my MP3 player in my ears is a great way to a) avoid making small talk with other harried shoppers in line and b) drown out the Xmas muzak that floats around the shops.
5. Emptying a diaper genie can be almost as disgusting as just throwing the 40-odd diapers into the garbage can one-by-one in the first place!
6. My mum arrives tomorrow night. WOOHOO! She'll be the first family member from my side to meet the little guy.
7. Being sleep-deprived, unshowered, unshaven and otherwise disheveled is also a great conversation-avoider when you're at the mall. Maybe that's why I always got great customer service - they thought I was a homeless lunatic wandering the stores...
8. My son gives me looks at times that I swear he's going to break into a short, matter-of-fact announcement. "Yes father, I understand I'm your wittle buddy-boy and in response to your multiple inquiries, I am doing fine. Please change my diaper and ask mother to wake me for the 6pm feeding."
9. Who do I petition for a 26-hour day? I could use the extra two hours for sleeping.
10. I have now learned to distinguish between my son's "hungry" cry and his "trying to fart/poop so hard that my face turns purple" cry. The reason is that one of them stops when I feed him.
2. I can do 95% of my Xmas shopping in 3 hours - which includes about 30 min driving.
3. When the diaper genie (which works for my wife, but not for me - bastard!) won't go down any further, it's time to empty it.
4. Having my MP3 player in my ears is a great way to a) avoid making small talk with other harried shoppers in line and b) drown out the Xmas muzak that floats around the shops.
5. Emptying a diaper genie can be almost as disgusting as just throwing the 40-odd diapers into the garbage can one-by-one in the first place!
6. My mum arrives tomorrow night. WOOHOO! She'll be the first family member from my side to meet the little guy.
7. Being sleep-deprived, unshowered, unshaven and otherwise disheveled is also a great conversation-avoider when you're at the mall. Maybe that's why I always got great customer service - they thought I was a homeless lunatic wandering the stores...
8. My son gives me looks at times that I swear he's going to break into a short, matter-of-fact announcement. "Yes father, I understand I'm your wittle buddy-boy and in response to your multiple inquiries, I am doing fine. Please change my diaper and ask mother to wake me for the 6pm feeding."
9. Who do I petition for a 26-hour day? I could use the extra two hours for sleeping.
10. I have now learned to distinguish between my son's "hungry" cry and his "trying to fart/poop so hard that my face turns purple" cry. The reason is that one of them stops when I feed him.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Still learning things....
Some other things that we've learned over the last couple of days:
1. No matter how well-fitting the diaper, eventually he'll blow the ass right out of one of them.
2. Going back to work after paternity leave sucks. At least it's the holidays and half the people are on vacation.
3. Invariably, he will be sitting on your lap when he blows the ass out of that diaper.
4. People cut you all sorts of slack after having a baby. I wonder how long I get to milk this. It's kind of like the new-guy syndrome at work - the new guy can't be counted on for anything for at least 3 months....
5. By the time you smell the diaper, it's five minutes too late.
6. By the time you FEEL the wetness of the diaper, it's 10 minutes too late.
7. I'm SO thankful I work from home. Unthinkably thankful.
8. I crack myself up sometimes. Especially when I'm evil. I'll explain later.
9. Watching the Bills suck while holding my son in my lap results in a lot less swearing/gesturing/screaming at the TV on my part. My wife will now make me hold him for the remainder of the season.
10. Owen is a lot more awake these days. Apparently in week 3 he starts to get more active. That's why most of my shots (JEFF!) are of him napping instead. I'll have some better shots eventually.
1. No matter how well-fitting the diaper, eventually he'll blow the ass right out of one of them.
2. Going back to work after paternity leave sucks. At least it's the holidays and half the people are on vacation.
3. Invariably, he will be sitting on your lap when he blows the ass out of that diaper.
4. People cut you all sorts of slack after having a baby. I wonder how long I get to milk this. It's kind of like the new-guy syndrome at work - the new guy can't be counted on for anything for at least 3 months....
5. By the time you smell the diaper, it's five minutes too late.
6. By the time you FEEL the wetness of the diaper, it's 10 minutes too late.
7. I'm SO thankful I work from home. Unthinkably thankful.
8. I crack myself up sometimes. Especially when I'm evil. I'll explain later.
9. Watching the Bills suck while holding my son in my lap results in a lot less swearing/gesturing/screaming at the TV on my part. My wife will now make me hold him for the remainder of the season.
10. Owen is a lot more awake these days. Apparently in week 3 he starts to get more active. That's why most of my shots (JEFF!) are of him napping instead. I'll have some better shots eventually.
Friday, December 16, 2005
We're slowing down a bit, but some more lessons:
1. My respect for single parents everywhere has increased dramatically.
2. How can a child at 1:30am behave like the kid in the Exorcist, but at 3:30am be an angel? I swear, he grew 5 extra limbs and his head spun around while screaming and peeing all over (he screamed and peed, not me...)
3. My son, who is 19 inches long, is capable of putting his heel into a dirty diaper placed 24 inches away. Apparently the laws of distance don't apply to him.
4. It's hard not to giggle while cleaning poo off your son's foot at 1:30am.
5. My neighbor Don is great - he put out my garbage cans last night (because I forgot.) They're making us dinner again tonight. I just want to clone them.
6. In 13 days, I have 265 pictures - is that normal?
7. I am forgetting to eat, which is either a sign of sleep deprivation or just part of normal parenting.
8. Some of his grunting and straining makes me expect to find a bowling ball in his diaper. There never is, but the effort expended is astounding.
9. Being on paternity leave is much like being on vacation. I forget what day it is, it seems like I'm in a foreign country and I can't speak the language!
10. I'm all in favor of hiring professionals instead of slogging it out on my own. Nothing to do with child rearing - we hired a plumber to install a main-line cleanout. After seeing his effort, there's no way I'd ever be a plumber.
2. How can a child at 1:30am behave like the kid in the Exorcist, but at 3:30am be an angel? I swear, he grew 5 extra limbs and his head spun around while screaming and peeing all over (he screamed and peed, not me...)
3. My son, who is 19 inches long, is capable of putting his heel into a dirty diaper placed 24 inches away. Apparently the laws of distance don't apply to him.
4. It's hard not to giggle while cleaning poo off your son's foot at 1:30am.
5. My neighbor Don is great - he put out my garbage cans last night (because I forgot.) They're making us dinner again tonight. I just want to clone them.
6. In 13 days, I have 265 pictures - is that normal?
7. I am forgetting to eat, which is either a sign of sleep deprivation or just part of normal parenting.
8. Some of his grunting and straining makes me expect to find a bowling ball in his diaper. There never is, but the effort expended is astounding.
9. Being on paternity leave is much like being on vacation. I forget what day it is, it seems like I'm in a foreign country and I can't speak the language!
10. I'm all in favor of hiring professionals instead of slogging it out on my own. Nothing to do with child rearing - we hired a plumber to install a main-line cleanout. After seeing his effort, there's no way I'd ever be a plumber.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Lessons, Day Four.
Some continuing lessons we've learned:
1. According to my wife - the main difference between breast-feeding and breast-pumping is that the pump doesn't gnaw on you.
2. Going up one size in diaper because you're out of the new-born size = massive leakage.
3. My son's bladder is capable of soaking out the back of an ill-fitting diaper, through his outfit, his blanket, my wife's robe AND part of the phonebook on the floor. I don't think MY bladder could do that.
4. Is it just me or does the phrase "gnaw on you" just make your skin jump?
5. You can never have too many burp cloths.
6. We've now been given 5 full meals by 4 different couples. People ROCK!
7. Calling several plumbers to come unclog your main line NOW while holding a screaming baby is one of the tests of a parent. Luckily, I passed.
8. If your house doesn't have a main-line cleanout - get one. I don't care if you're on a septic tank - you need one of these. Well, okay, maybe just I do.
9. Laundry, much like time, increases 200% with the addition of a newborn. His outfits are the size of my handkerchiefs, but still...
10. Since the birth (which was before our baby shower!), every day is like Christmas. People keep dropping by with gifts and to visit the baby. Insert your own "3 wise men" joke in the comments.
1. According to my wife - the main difference between breast-feeding and breast-pumping is that the pump doesn't gnaw on you.
2. Going up one size in diaper because you're out of the new-born size = massive leakage.
3. My son's bladder is capable of soaking out the back of an ill-fitting diaper, through his outfit, his blanket, my wife's robe AND part of the phonebook on the floor. I don't think MY bladder could do that.
4. Is it just me or does the phrase "gnaw on you" just make your skin jump?
5. You can never have too many burp cloths.
6. We've now been given 5 full meals by 4 different couples. People ROCK!
7. Calling several plumbers to come unclog your main line NOW while holding a screaming baby is one of the tests of a parent. Luckily, I passed.
8. If your house doesn't have a main-line cleanout - get one. I don't care if you're on a septic tank - you need one of these. Well, okay, maybe just I do.
9. Laundry, much like time, increases 200% with the addition of a newborn. His outfits are the size of my handkerchiefs, but still...
10. Since the birth (which was before our baby shower!), every day is like Christmas. People keep dropping by with gifts and to visit the baby. Insert your own "3 wise men" joke in the comments.
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