is for several reasons:
1. Lisa and our nanny had been taking Owen to the school for almost a week now - to meet the teachers, the other kids and get used to the school room and routine.
2. So far, everything went swimmingly. I couldn't go due to conflicting work calls, but he cheerfully went off every time and played - didn't even mind when Lisa said goodbye and gave him a hug. He was pretty comfortable there.
3. In later days, our nanny would leave after a while, go hang out at Starbucks, etc - giving him more and more time alone there - and he was never really fussed when she came back - just kept playing, etc.
4. So we thought we were all set. Today, we went for a walk, fed him some breakfast, packed him a lunch and the bear, set off for school at 7am.
5. What we neglected to learn was - all the previous days we'd taken him at 8:30-9am. The teachers were all in, kids were mostly in, etc - BUT - that only starts at 8:30am. From 6:30am to 8:30am, all kids are together in one (different) main room with ALL DIFFERENT TEACHERS!
6. So we wandered around - realized that his room was empty - then we found everyone in the main room. Kids from his age (20 months, sniff) all the way up to 5-6 year olds were all playing in the same room under the watchful eye of a couple of teachers (not his.)
7. We got one of the teachers to engage him in play - and there was one girl from his class in there too - and then we gave him hugs, said goodbye and went to leave (as Lisa had done before.) The giant cracking sound you all heard at 7:15am PST was our hearts breaking as he immediately broke into tears, wanted me to pick him up and screaming his guts out.
8. This was exactly the scene that we wanted to avoid. The heart-wrenching feeling as we walked briskly to the car, turned and waved cheerily to him in the window (still red-faced and screaming) was almost enough to have me running back in there to comfort him.
9. The whole drive home, I was a breath away from pulling a U-turn and going back there. All day, I've been consoling myself that he's fine and has had a good day. Lisa called at 9am to give the office an earful about this new information - and the person that she talked to was shocked that they hadn't told us this - and was very apologetic. Made a small difference, but I still feel like the world's worst dad.
10. We're going to pick him up a little earlier than usual - and tomorrow we might stay with him a little longer - but maybe not - I think that he may adjust sooner if we don't linger. Not sure. All I know is I've got to unknot this stomach before I'll keep anything down. Can't even think about it without tearing up some. One of these days I'll post about my traumatic first day of school to let you all know why this is such a nightmare for me.